I really really reeeeeaaalllyy don't like this day.
I kept messing up at work during the morning then -something- I got depressed.
Tears started pouring out while I was doing my work. Thankfully my officemates were having lunch. That was my second time crying at the office but this time I dunno why cause I kept on trying to hold it back but I can't. I can't turn off my tears switch.

I am sad. Depressed. Pathetic.

And you know what else sucks?! I can't talk to anyone about it. I have no one to talk to here...well I have but, everyone's busy. And I'm also busy letting this depression take over me. Earlier, I thought it was gone and I was okei, but I think it'll be with me for awhile. Scary. Pathetic.

I hate this feeling. I hate this moment.

I hate to go. I don't want to say "I don't want to go" because I need to. But you see...saying that I need to doesn't really mean that I want to...with all my heart.

Can I just be numb?! I've already achieved that months before...but now I don't know. I don't wanna think about it so my tears won't flow.

I just wanna be numb...but I think it's gonna be hard for me, again.

OOOhhhhh!! Long time no new blog entry...=P

Enihow, since it's almost the last day of 2009 I think I need to post a new entry to summarized everything that had happened to me this year. I don't think I'll be putting any details cause if I did, it's gonna be 2010 by the time I finish typing. =)

2009, year of the Ox was my year. A lot and I mean A LOT of things happened. I am really very thankful for everything, even for the-not-so-good-things.
I believe that I have changed a lot too. Whether it's for the good or worst, am still not sure. But honestly, I miss the old me. If you really know me (or if u were with me), you would say the exact same thing. It was a whirlwind...a roller coaster whirlwind. It went by soooo fast but I felt every single day and moment that went by and I knew exactly what was happening and how I was changing...I was only too ashamed to admit it. Whatever happened, happened already and I am the one to blame, I was the one who brought it to myself. Yiiiieee....am I starting to sound like I hate myself?? Nooo, don't get that impression okei? I am not. I'm just saying that I was the one who decided for myself so who else am I supposed to point the finger to.

This 2009 I've also lost and gained a lot of things at the same time. Again, whether it's good or bad I still have to reflect and analyze. (I need a mountain or an island right now.=P)

As of this moment, after everything that happened, am so tired and lost. Lost to the point that I am not really 100% sure of what I am doing and to how I am doing these things. Honestly, I am not 100% happy, I am...just fine, maybe 98% happy. But the 2% is still very important. How do you define happiness anyways?! I really dunno. I think I'm just going with the flow. As to "what flow" again, I'm not entirely sure.

I am tired, lost and confused. I need to find myself...my old self ASAP. Though, another thought, is my old self worth looking for??! (Yiiiieee!!! I am really doing a good job at contradicting myself to the point that it makes me even more confused.)

I can see myself on a very long bridge that I can't even see the two ends. I dunno if I should and need to go back or move forward..am entirely lost and clueless. But I am thankful for being on that strong bridge, atleast I am not falling into the endless pit below. =)

*Confused much...don't worry, me too. Ahahahaha. Will probably post a lighter year ender tomorrow. As of now, I really need to get some rest.

Hey hey hey!!! This blog is screaming for new posts and layout.
will do will do..once i get my laptop back after a week or so.
Boohoo!!
For now surfing via Itouch will do...well cause i really dont have a choice.